I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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