I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
