Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
