I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
