a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
