Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
