the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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