i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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