I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
