Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
