their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
