We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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