i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
