Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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