Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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