Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
