I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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