Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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