apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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