she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
