"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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