Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize