1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
