Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize