When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
