if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
