this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
