EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
