He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I need water and some morals
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
