somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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