Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
