Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Come share oat with me in your robe
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize