I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
