I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize