Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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