How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Hippo gnu deer
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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