dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
