Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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