people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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