we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i will never coherently bang her
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize