You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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