We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
