You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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