The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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