Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
