he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize