if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
