Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
