I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
