Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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