can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
