Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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