Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dicks are not precious.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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