Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
