Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
