She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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