You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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