yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
