If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
