I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
