Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize