Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
