there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
