I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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