I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
