If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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