Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
