Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
