you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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