why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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