I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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