worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I could fuck to npr.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
