Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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