covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
