My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you win again, gameday.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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