good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize