i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
