Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
