We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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