i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
