It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
