Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
