There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
