Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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