my phone needs a breathalizer
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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