Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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