all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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