walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
