please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize