im having a threesome with these popsicles
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
