You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just want to make out with him forever
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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