halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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