you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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