the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
