Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
