i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize