we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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